14 January 2011

Soul Searching

I’m going to be brave and climb out on a limb here.

I’m a wreck. A pure emotional, rollercoaster riding, can’t stop the train type of wreck. I feel small and limited and I’m questioning my abilities. This I hate.

In the rare event that these feelings come around, it punches me in my face. Hard. So much so, I lose my footing and I fall into a dark place. It’s hard to overcome a blow like that. It grabs me by the ankles and anchors me down to a complete stand still while the world continues to move forward. Anyone else in my shoes would throw their hands in the air, give up, and continue living in a dark world of stress and anxiety. Me? I choose to fight-- to throw back a few punches and sock it to em’ where it hurts.

I’ve called a seamstress to help stitch the broken piece of my soul. It needs to be repaired, mended, and made whole again. But we all know no one can fix you; you have to fix yourself. And so I did.

Over the past few days, I’ve been finding myself reminiscing back to a time where my art was drastically changing and evolving. I was very apprehensive to reveal it to the public because it was so different from my past work. It was a completely new territory and I was attempting to provoke a new feeling of allure to my pieces through new subject matters, style, and medium. I had to keep reminding myself that, I can’t go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

 tomorrow is a new day

I’ve been reflecting on all aspects of my life, digging deep inside that soul of mine to get the answers I’ve needed. I’m reminded of who I am as a person and my endless abilities and capabilities. I’m reminded that I’m strong and independent and I can overcome any obstacle. I’m reminded of all the amazing opportunities I have going for me and the artistic talent that God has blessed me with.

I don’t think we’re ever done soul searching. We’re constantly growing and learning and changing and gaining new perspectives and seeking new horizons. Our goals change and our views deepen. We’re faced with new hurdles and steeper mountains. And yet, we always come out on top, stronger than before.

We must carry on, we must continue to grow, and then when the time is right, we’ll bloom.

I’m madly in love with life.

I’m popping the cork and drinking it up by the gallons. Here’s a toast, to life.

“Life isn’t about Finding Yourself, it’s about Creating Yourself.”  
~I don’t know who said that, but I dig it.


  1. Good for you! I've found lately that I have been causing myself to have panic and anxiety attacks from worrying so much, about everything! It's no fun, I had to kinda give my self a slap in the face so I could get outta this funk!!!

  2. I have only seen a few of your paintings, but from those, your beautiful writing, and gorgeous photography, I can tell you are very talented and artistic!! Keep your head up and hopefully this icky weather and the icky feelings that accompany it will melt away soon!